There are times I want to vanish.
Not die. Just cease to ever have been.
But we don’t age backward
And we don’t learn in reverse.
And we cannot unmake ourselves
Once we have been here
Because that is a paradox
where angels fear to tread.
We can forget where we have been
And that is as close as can be had
The Creature's Cookbook 
We can forget where we have been but never forget who and the action itself, what made us learn. It’s a Deja vu, where every thread is connected and came back to bite us once more in the future or the next “beginning” like a chain. Angels aren’t scared, they just don’t care enough, that’s the price we do pay.
There are times I wish the same, to cease to exist but not die, being into nothingness alone, where silence touch me and thoughts disappear as a whole. We don’t age as humans, we crumble, our body cease to work as it should be, we decay.
You can learn in reverse, everyone can, but we never look up into the past, we mostly want to forget. Not calling you human here, just a being with too much thoughts inside, yelling in your head, making you bore, despair or even wish to cease to exist.
I think you want to undo yourself and start again. If you can’t then just forget but if that also fails, then sleep. Dreams don’t cost and can make you become someone else.
I get it, wanting to lose control, or just rid yourself of everything. It can be really difficult dealing with what it takes to be alive. It’s a struggle I have daily as well. Life is precious, though, and I can’t help but honor that. “Might as well” is my motto 😝
Mine too